搞笑幽默的英文個性簽名

　　1、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

　　不用和傻瓜吵架，因為他會把你的智商拉到跟他的水平，然后再用豐富的經驗打敗你。

　　2、Evening news is where they begin with ?Good evening?, and then proceed to tell you why it isn?t.

　　晚間新聞總是以“晚上好”開頭，再告訴你為什么好不了。

　　3、Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

　　海豚可聰明了，你曉得不?只需馴養幾個星期，他們就能讓人類乖乖站在池邊給它們扔魚吃了。

　　4、Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

　　孩子定義：你先花2年教他們走路和說話，然后你再花16年叫他們坐定和閉嘴。

　　5、It?s not the fall that kills you; it?s the sudden stop at the end.

　　跳樓的時候，“啊~~“的時候還沒死，”啪!“那才是死了。

　　6、Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.

　　絕對不要和長得丑的爭執，他們已經沒什么可輸的`了‘

　　7、A little boy asked his father , ”Daddy, how mach dose it cost to get married?” Father replied, “I don?t know son, I?m still paying.”

　　一單純傻兒子問他爹：“爸，結婚到底要付出多大代價?” 他爸說：“兒啊，我真不知道、、、、我還在償付呢。

　　8、If at first you don?t succeed, try again … unless you fail at skydiving.

　　如果一次不成功，別放棄，再試一次、、、、、除非你在跳傘。

　　9、A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

　　你趕不上的巴士永遠比你趕上的巴士跑得快兩倍。

　　10、It is said that 90% of the things we worry about will never happen, and the other 10% can be managed. So why do we worry, and what is there to worry about?

　　據說我們所擔心的事90%都不會發生，而剩下的10%又完全可以解決。所以，我們為什么要擔心呢?又有什么值得擔心的呢?

　　11、I keep the telephone of my mind open to peace, harmony, health and love. Then, whenever doubt, anxiety or fear try to call me, they keep getting a busy signal – and soon they?ll forget my number.

　　我的“心靈電話”是為祥和、健康和博愛而設。每當懷疑、焦慮和恐懼試圖和我聯系時，電話總是在占線，所以很快它們就忘了我的號碼

　　12、If you see ten troubles coming down the road, you can be sure that nine will run into the ditch before they reach you.

　　如果你看到麻煩從路上向你走來，有一點可以確定，在觸到你以前，它們十有八九會滾進路邊的溝。

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